Build a happy home with your roommate

Avoid a flat tire

Locked in a matchbox, your relationship with your roommate can be tricky. Here's how to work at it

In a city where owning a house is literally gut wrenching, and renting a place in a decent neighborhood takes away half your salary, flatmates become your lifeline. You can't disown your family, and have to live with their idiosyncrasies. But adjusting to flatmates can be a daunting task. Whether it's late-night parties or paying bills on time, flatmates can and will get on your nerves. Life coach Malti Bhojwani talks about laying the foundation for a happy home.
Cleanliness is peacefulness
Gowri Jayakumar, a media professional, has had her share of fights with roommates. But the thing that gets to her the most is when, even after repeatedly telling her flatmates to empty their plates before putting it in the sink, things just don't change. She says, "It's about people invading my space. If I find hair in the loo, that really gets to me. If you need to shed, shed in your own room. Not in the common area. I usually speak to them upfront, if it gets to confrontational, then I leave."
Malti says, "Make things very clear and specific. Just telling your flatmate that you want to house clean does not help because one person's idea of clean and tidy is not the same as another's. If you expect that the living area should be kept tidy, be explicit - cushions stacked well, used cups and glasses taken away, table surfaces wiped." Communication is not just what you say, but what the other person understands. What is 'commonsense' to you may not be to another.
Boogie nights
For Peter Kotikalapudi, a marketing executive, things got really awkward when one of his party-hard roommates would end up with a different woman every other week. Worse still, they shared a room. He says, "There were situations, where I'd find a text asking if I can stay with another friend for the night. So yeah, things got a little awkward. We had a chat, but he ended up leaving."
Malti says, "This should go in the rulebook immediately after you move in. If you haven't already, it is not too late. No one is suggesting that you follow Sheldon's (from The Big Bang Theory) lead and have pages and pages of laws and bylaws, but a few rules are essentials - how often do you have parties, or get partners over, until what time, etc. This should be in accordance with the building society as well and you don't want the police visiting to wrap up a party. Also decide if all parties should include both roommates. You may have separate sets of friends. Decide also how much notice either roommate should give the other, giving ample time to make other plans if the party at home is too inconvenient."
It's all about the money
Pooja Shah had a few issues with her roommates in the money department. When one of her friends went for vacation, the other three roomies went to great lengths calculating a formula of how much each one would pay for the household expenses. But the real issue came up when she had her boyfriend over. She says, "They wanted me to contribute more because he would use the geyser or the lights would stay on longer. It finally got sorted out when another roomie got a boyfriend."
Malti says, "A small notice/cork board becomes a reminder for paying bills on time. Ideally, if the payment of important utilities is shared - each flatmate will take their end of the responsibility to pay on time seriously as their negligence will affect the other. Manage accounts twice a month at least. Again this one is about clear communication and the ability to stand your ground and say "No" if you feel you are being pushed around or taken advantage of."
Small fight, big problem
Just like in relationships, bickering can ring the death knell for roommates too. Denzil Lewis, a media executive, got along fairly well with his roomie. So much so that when he was strapped for cash, Denzil would lend him his ATM card. But things got weird after some time. He says, "We were really good friends, but sometimes when I didn't have cash, I'd find my account empty. He'd always pay me back, but it got uncomfortable. We eventually had to speak about it. Thankfully, it did not turn into a fight."
Malti says, "All relationships come with their share of bickering, especially when you are sharing space. Remember that there is a payoff and a benefit. When you have someone to share the bills with and someone at home most of the time, you don't feel completely alone. When in crisis, start listing your roomie's endearing qualities. Keep a notebook and every day, list a couple of attributes about them that you like, admire and are grateful for. The more you do this, the better your relationship will become."